Ten Women With Shaved Heads

The bald head, be it through age or through shaving, is not that uncommon at all. You'll see bald heads all around you. But there's probably just shy of a one-hundred percent chance that the person you see sporting a hairless head is male. Male pattern baldness is encoded on the Y-chromosome. The buzz-cut is a male fashion. Women with Rapunzel-length locks are often complimented on them, and women are expected to use their hair as a fashion statement. Merrely having no hair at all is no fashion statement, is it?

No, really: is it? Almost all of the following ten women look great. In some cases, better without hair than with. It's an acquired taste, sure, but finding women with shaved heads beautiful is, based on current evidence, not that hard a taste to acquire.

1.	SINÉAD O'CONNOR: Sinéad has to be first on this list, because even all these years later, when you think 'bald woman', she's still the first name you think of. In fact, she's perhaps as well-known for being bald these days as she is for covering a Prince song and tearing up a picture of the Pope. Sinéad O'Connor was a beautiful woman, and her shaved head was a dramatic, challenging statement. Everything that's great about her in the early days straddles the divide between hard and soft. As, frankly, does her appearance.
2.	GRACE JONES: In fact Grace Jones was doing it years and years before. Grace Jones was a fashion model - slash - singer - slash - who knows quite what she was? She was, mind you, gorgeous and terrifying in equal parts. Lady Gaga claims her as a hero, but she's way cooler than Lady Gaga could ever be. Grace Jones couldn't find softness and femininity in her shaved head, but she was never about softness. In her case, hair just got in the way of her ability (or God-given right) to kick your ass all over the place.
3.	SIGOURNEY WEAVER: This is also true of Sigourney Weaver, though in her case the bald head was responsible for the transformation. It was the lack of hair that truly made her into Ripley, "Alien"-trilogy heroine and scary-person. Just look at that picture. With hair, Sigourney Weaver is a Glenn Close-style Hollywood mainstay. Shorn, she's a sci-fi heroine.
4.	DEMI MOORE: Demi Moore joins this list, like Sigourney Weaver less as a fashion statement than as a job requirement: for her role in the movie "GI Jane", she had to shave her head. The result wasn't as iconic as the previous three, but it was impressive nonetheless.
5.	NATALIE PORTMAN: And also Natalie Portman, who shaved her head in order to star in "V for Vendetta". However, in Portman's case, she is somehow equally gorgeous with or without hair. Looking at her bald, one wonders why women ever thought they needed hair to be seen as beautiful. I don't think there's anything Natalie Portman could do to her appearance that would make her anything less than gorgeous.
6.	MENA SUVARI: As opposed to Mena Suvari, who is less gorgeous than 'cute', or more precisely 'doll-like'. Having extremely short hair (not technically shaved but almost there) makes her no less doll-like than if she had Pippi Longstockings hair.
7.	ALEK WEK: Alek Wek is a Sudanese fashion model, whose main distinguishing trait is her shaved head. It suits her, and she is beautiful, but I don't know if the bald head enhances the beauty or if it just makes her stand out on a runway. Stand out she definitely does, though.
8.	ME'SHELL NDEGÉOCELLO: Me'Shell NdegéOcello is an American singer whose name has various spellings, accents, apostrophes and mid-word capital letters, depending on who you ask. None of this nomenclatural weirdness is the fault of her parents, who named her "Michelle Lynn Johnson". What's interesting about NdegéOcello's shaved head is that it fits her so naturally that if you show someone a picture of her in performance and say, 'describe this woman', the person is perhaps not even likely to notice the hairless head.
10.	MELISSA ETHERIDGE: I wasn't sure whether or no to include this: this is not a shaved head. This is a head whose hair has fallen out as a result of cancer treatment. Not the same thing at all, and it would seem insulting for me to include it on the list, except... here she is in the picture on stage, defiantly performing completely bald, not a wig in sight. This is not only an act of bravery and defiance but it's a welcome acceptance of her own personal appearance, whatever form that might take. That's inspiring.
10.	BRITNEY SPEARS: Probably the most famous shaved head on this particular list. Some have done it as a fashion statement, some as a career move, some as a health necessity. In the case of Britney Spears, shaving her head was done for reasons quite opposite to these: to attack her career and her reputation as a fashionplate, and done in a moment of very poor health - mental health, that is. Britney Spears's famous head-shaving incident was a tragic example of what a life under the spotlight can do to you. I like Britney - she's been through a lot in her life and it's tough not to wish her well. Even seeing her smiling with that ludicrous bald head makes me feel a stubborn pride in her. No idea why, really.

Ten Undemocratic Events in Canadian History

The word 'democracy' in most cases tends to be a political ideal more than a political reality. the basic concept of democracy is something that, at best, you could say exists in varying degrees from country to country and from circumstance to circumstance. The USA, for example, is a country that elects local fire chiefs and school board trustees and yet once had Gerald Ford, a man unelected to any position whatsoever, serve as its president, to say nothing of the fiasco in 2000 when it seemed as if American democracy had failed entirely.

It hadn't; it was just suffering one of the spasms an improperly-designed system can fall victim to. The USA's northern neighbour Canada is a democracy, as much as any other country is, but from time to time its woefully incompetently-designed system can make it appear as despotic as any third-world country. Here are ten examples of moments in Canadian history that have been less than a shining beacon of democracy.

1.	GATINEAU IN 2008: To the victor go the spoils in the Canadian system. With a Westminster-based 'First-Past-the-Post' system, in Canada in any particular riding the one candidate who gets the most votes wins. In a strict two-party system, that would mean that a person always required the support of a majority of electors to be elected. When there are more than two parties, though, the number required for victory can drop well below 50%. As a recent example, the normally federalist riding of Gatineau in Québec sent a Bloc Québécois MP to Ottawa (just across the river) in 2008, one who was elected with 29.13% of the vote. It happened because of a rough four-way split in the riding, with each of the Bloc, the NDP and the Liberals polling more than 25% and the Conservatives also nearing 17%. In the end, while over 70% of the electorate cast their vote for federalist parties, a Bloc candidate was elected.
2.	THE PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVES IN 1993: The 1993 election was a massive game-changer in Canada, one of those few occassions where an election really did change things. Kim Campbell's party was decisively rejected, going from 43% of the popular vote in 1988 to 16%, little more than a third. Yet 16% is still 2.2 million votes, considerably more than the 1.8 million the Bloc Québécois got. But the Bloc's votes were enough to get them 54 seats and the position of Official Opposition, while the PCs' votes got them a mere two seats and a loss of official party status. While this shows the advantage in the Canadian system of strong localised support vs. weak nationwide support, it's hard to argue that 54 seats for 1.8 million votes to 2 seats for 2.2 million votes is democratic.
3.	SASKATCHEWAN IN 1934: This kind of imbalance, and the multiparty system that reveals it, is nothing new. For electoral weirdness, look back to 1934 and the always-interesting province of Saskatchewan. Immediately prior to taking the name "CCF", Major James Coldwell's "Farmer-Labour Group" contested the elction as the main voice of the left. The election resulted in 48.0% for the Liberals, 26.8% for the Conservatives, and 24.0% for the proto-proto-NDP. Nothing out of the ordinary even by modern standards perhaps (though in current-day Saskatchewan the Liberal Party barely exists and the Conservatives call themselves the Saskatchewan Party), but voting percentages tell little: of a 55-seat parliament, the Liberals returned 50 MLAs. The remaining five seats all went to third-place-finishing FLG. The Conservatives, meanwhile, finished second in popular vote but sent not a single person to Regina. Since the Conservatives ran on an anti-Catholic platform with Ku Klux Klan support, one need shed no tears, frankly, but you can't call it democratic.
4.	NEW BRUNSWICK IN 1987: This is one of those examples that truly beggars belief. As lamentable as regionalism may seem, it is in fact one thing that keeps parliament accountable in a first-past-the-post system. Otherwise, if the entire country supports a particular party in more or less equal amounts, what happens? In New Brunswick in 1987, with the governing PCs tainted by scandal and the third-party NDP unable to present itself as a viable alternative, Frank McKenna's Liberals took 60% of the vote and won every single seat in the 58-seat legislature, running parliament for three years with no opposition whatsoever. While 60% is a resounding victory, though, one feels compelled to mention it means a not-insignificant 40% voted for other parties, parties that were completely shut out of parliament.
5.	THE PRETEND MAJORITY: The problem of plurality victories in a 'First-Past-the-Post' system becomes magnified when applied nation-wide. Despite current trends, governments in Canada do tend to be majorities. Yet if a majority mandate ought to mean 'has the support of more than half of all Canadians', then Canada fares poorly. Since 1958, over half a century, there has been precisely one election in which a majority of voting Canadians cast their vote for the same party. That was in 1984, and Brian Mulroney's Progressive Conservatives managed - are you ready for it? - 50.03% of the vote. Chrétien's Liberals, meanwhile, were able in 1997 to eke out a majority with 38.46% of the nationwide vote - just five percentage points more than a mere third of the populace.
6.	GENDER (IM)BALANCE: That Canada has no quota system in our electoral policy could be seen as an example of how it truly is democratic. Yet our current parliament is 22% female, 78% male. This overwhelming male dominance ranks us 48th in the world for gender representation in government: hardly a stat to be proud of. Canada has also never elected a female prime minister nor elected a female premier in any province larger than PEI. At what point we consider this anachronism an endemic problem remains to be seen. It's barely even mentioned.
7.	THE SENATE: Of all the unelected institutions in Canada, the Senate has to be the most ridiculous. Canada's version of the House of Lords, it replaces British class privilege with Canadian cronyism. Harper is not any more guilty of partisan senate-stuffing than any of his predecessors, but given his history of condemning the Liberals for that very thing and the lip-service he has paid to bringing democracy to the senate, his current recent actions regarding the upper house rank among his worst hypocrisies. And even his Liberal predecessors didn't have the contempt for democracy it takes to have his hand-picked Senate quash a bill on climate change that had been passed by the House of Commons.
8.	THE KING-BYNG AFFAIR: The office of the Governor General is constitutionally higher than either house of parliament, and similarly unelected. Thankfully, by convention the Governor General tends to stick to the main job of the office, which is doing nothing at all. This convention goes back to 1926 and the so-called King-Byng Affair. In 1925, the Western-based Progressive Party had shaken up the political scene, gaining enough seats to return a hung parliament: 115 seats for the Conservatives, 100 for the Liberals, 22 for the Progressives, and a handful of here-and-there seats. The Liberals' Mackenzie King, as the sitting prime minister, decided merely not to admit defeat and carried on in 24 Sussex, counting on Progressive support. And surprisingly, he's not the bad guy. When his government fell to scandal, the Progressives retracted their support, and King went to call an election. The Governor General refused, putting Conservative leader Meighen in the office. The attempt was a disaster, though, and when the Liberals and Progressives united to bring down the government, King was able to turn public anger at the Governor General's interference into a majority government and his face on the $50. But again, he's not the bad guy.
9.	PROROGATION: And ever since, the Governor General has kept out of Canadian politics. Er... well, until recently. Michaëlle Jean will probably best be remembered as the Governor General who closed down parliament twice: once to prevent a perfectly legitimate and democratic coalition from taking power and a second time to... well, there's no real excuse for the second one at all, except that once you pop, you can't stop. Jean is remembered fondly, but her contempt for democracy while in office was inexcusable.
10.	COALITION PHOBIA: Given that multiparty democracy is not going away, one reasonable way forward for Canada is to embrace a systen of coalitions - in theory at least one that even the Conservative Party can participate in, given enough common interest with other parties. With the Canadian system inevitably returning MPs from an array of different parties, coalition is the best and simplest way to get enough MPs on the government side of parliament to create a sense of legitimacy. Yet the public has proven itself to be very distrustful of the idea of coalitions, and for the near future it might well be this illogical truculence that condemns Canada to an endless series of dysfunctional parliaments and governments with questionable mandates.

Ten Good Christmas Number Ones

The 'Christmas Number One' tradition is an interesting tradition that the British keep that on this side of the pond is completely ignored. In short, whatever song happens to be the chart-topper the week December 25th falls in is remembered as a 'Christmas Number One' and gains an unofficial status as a Christmas standard, whether or not it has anything at all to do with the season.

As befits Coca Cola's favourite holiday, many Christmas number ones are sickly-sweet concoctions that make you cry out for Boxing Day to come so they'll be taken off the radio. But here are ten you can listen to well into the New Year. From British charts, obviously. Links to Youtube included. Ho ho ho.

(As a side note, it turns out that the Christmas number two list is probably actually better, featuring "Build Me Up, Buttercup", "YMCA", "Caravan of Love", "Ice Ice Baby" and "Chocolate Salty Balls" from South Park.)

1.	MOON RIVER (1961): Just to drive dyslexics crazy, the Christmas Number One version of this chestnut from Breakfast at Tiffany's is not Andy Williams' version but the one recorded by South African Danny Williams. Really. If this was a cheap effort to grab a few extra sales à la the guy who ran for office as a "Literal Democrat" or the company that makes "SQNY" electronics, the deceit is the white guy's, as this version is older. At least as beautiful too, but that beauty really belongs to Henry Mancini. A gorgeous song. Youtube Link
2.	WE CAN WORK IT OUT (1965): This makes the list because it was technically not the b-side of Day Tripper but the 'other a-side' of a 'double a-side'. Either way, this moody little miniature is the best of the Beatles' five Christmas number ones between 1963 and 1967. Youtube Link
3.	BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY (1975, 1991): I hesitated to include this Queen canard. It's a bit.. well, it's a bit overdone, isn't it? Epic, best-song-ever, blah blah blah... it's tough to just hear it as a cool song anymore. But a cool song it is, with both the piano ballad at the beginning and the guitar screamy bit at the end enjoyable even if they're entirely overshadowed by the Scaramouching in the middle. That's what makes this more than 'just another song', and the part of the song that divides the world into two: people who will admit loving it, and people who pretend they don't. This song hit the number one on two different Christmases, the only song not containing the line "thank God it's them instead of you" to do so. Youtube Link
4.	MARY'S BOY CHILD / OH MY LORD (1978): Among the Christmas Number Ones on this list, you'll find few of my choices actually have seasonal content. The truth is they're too often cheesy. This is not only cheese but is the stinkiest of continental blue cheese, but it's irrepressible fun as well, as much of Boney M's bizarre Caribbean/German disco/calypso hybrids were. Youtube Link
5.	DON'T YOU WANT ME (1981): Nothing more Christmasy than a breakup song, is there? Not that this Human League monster sounds like a weeper, with its driving ringtone musical backdrop and charmingly artless lyrics. It is pretty much just nonsense, but it's truly wonderful nonsense, one of the best songs ever, in my humble opinion. Youtube Link
6.	ONLY YOU (1983): The original was where Vince Clarke, after failing miserably with Depeche Mode, got machines to replicate human emotions. So it's a strange choice for an a capella rendition, but The Flying Pickets (who?) got a well-deserved Christmas number one with this, the first a capella song to hit the top of the charts. Youtube Link
7.	ALWAYS ON MY MIND (1987): This not-even-slightly-Christmasy song kept the best Christmas song ever, the Pogues' "Fairytale of New York", from the top, for which it deserves to be on Santa's naughty list. But it's a great song nonetheless, sentimental in the Elvis and Willie versions, here filled to the brim with that emotion unique to Pet Shop Boys' Neil Tennant, the emotion that manages to be sincere and ironic at the very same time. Youtube Link
8.	EARTH SONG (1995): Jarvis Cocker be damned, this is just a great song. Complaining that this song is bombastic is like complaining that the sun gives off light. Like Michael Jackson's infamous performance of it at the BRIT Awards, this song is as bombastic as they get; it's just that it turns bombast into high art. Youtube Link
9.	MAD WORLD (2003): Several of the songs here are covers, interestingly. What makes a cover great is rarely fidelity to the original; a great cover is one that brings something new to the composition. Recorded by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules for the Donnie Darko soundtrack, this beautiful cover of Tears For Fears' already gorgeous original is pretty much the definition of 'haunting' - fragile, still... it sounds like a demo. And after hearing it once, you'll thereafter never hear the Tears for Fears original as the 'proper' version. Youtube Link
10.	KILLING IN THE NAME (2009): Yeah, it's mostly the stick-it-to-the-Man iconoclasm of last year's guerilla effort to shove this song in Simon Cowell's face that wins this song its slot on the list. I actually hated this song, and Rage Against the Machine generally, when it first came out. But now that its dime-store revolutionary sloganeering plays like nostalgia, I can call it charming. So it really is festive then. Youtube Link

Ten People Born in 1975

I'm 35. It's a strange age, really. It's not 'old' by any means. It's not even 'middle aged'. But it's not 'young' either, by any estimation. It's just this age, stuck in there between old and young. I think I'm at approximately that exact age that advertisers salivate over the most, but I certainly don't feel all that desired, like a mover-and-shaker. In fact, I kind of feel like our generation just kind of slipped by, moving from one irrelevance to another. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. After all, the ten names on this list are not minor irrelevances, and the real paths of power - politics and business - are travelled by people who would consider me young.

In any case, these twelve individuals and I could have been in the same class at school. We watched the same TV, perhaps, and listened to the same music. They're probably as shocked as I am to find themselves at 35. When exactly did that happen?

The list goes in reverse chronological order. I have no reason for doing that. I just liked the resulting narrative.

1.	TIGER WOODS: Of course, Mr and Mrs woods didn't name their baby boy "Tiger" on December 30, 1975. They did, in fact, name him "Eldrick Tont Woods". Because "Tiger" would have been, you know, silly. He's the richest sportsman in the world, has spent 623 weeks as the Number-One ranked golfer, and has had over a dozen extramarital affairs. And what have I done with my thirty-five years?
2.	CHARLIZE THERON: This South African was born on August 7th, and makes the list largely because she's South African, and I was looking to make my list 'diverse, but still people Americans might know'. I tried to avoid overly exploitational illustrations, but in the present case, I was powerless. That's just a gorgeous photograph.
3.	ANGELINA JOLIE: Born June 4th, Angelina Jolie started out life as Jon Voight's daughter. Now she's about as close as Hollywood comes to royalty, but along the way she was the defiantly 'alternative' kid seen here in Hackers. She stands out so much in that movie that anyone who sees it walks away asking, "who was that girl?" Yet I certainly never saw her tabloid ubiquity coming. I wonder if she did.
4.	50 CENT: Certainly if you're looking for a symbol of arrested adolescence, though, it would have to be Curtis Jackson, a/k/a "50 Cent", born July 6 and thus 15 years away from actually being 50. Though a rapper by trade, 50 Cent is currently perhaps more famous as a Twitter celebrity, whose semi-literate stream of tweets truly makes me feel young... like, middle school young.
5.	JAMIE OLIVER: Jamie Oliver's face remains much fresher than mine thirty-five years later. Perhaps it's all the disgusting food that he eats. Born May 27th in Essex, England, Oliver is part of that strange group of 'cooking-related celebrities' that also includes Gordon Ramsey, Rachel Ray and other celebrities not especially deserving of their success.
6.	DAVID BECKHAM: The English footballer has, like Tiger Woods (and everyone on this list) had a rather more illustrious life than I have. Talented, rich and photogenic, with a glamorous wife (who I personally don't find attractive, and anyway being born in 1974 she's over-the-hill), Beckham seems to just make it all seem so easy. Wouldn't a nice crack habit give him some much-needed grit?
7.	EVA LONGORIA: Eva Longoria was born March 15, just three days after me. My mother and hers could have been in the same maternity ward if it weren't that she was born in Texas and I, well, wasn't. She's so my-generation that her screen début was in Beverly Hills 90210, and she then went on to document my generation's descent into suburban banality on Desperate Housewives.
8.	DREW BARRYMORE: Ah, the love of my life. I can say without seeming creepy that I've been in love with Drew Barrymore ever since E.T. because whatever age she was when she made that film, that's how old I was too (give or take a month - she was born February 22). We've gone through the ages together, Drew and I. So has everyone else on this list, of course, but they weren't famous then.
9.	HARISU: Certainly not many North Americans are likely to have heard of Harisu, but I think she's amazing. A Korean MTF transexual, Harisu is absolutely gorgeous and also an actress and singer. Though it's a bit disappointing that her stage name is meant to be the English phrase 'hot issue' rendered with a Korean accent. She, or for historical accuracy he, was born February 17th.
10.	BOTH MEMBERS OF OUTKAST: They might have differing weights and degrees of 'hardness', but the two members of Atlanta hip-hop duo Outkast have much in common - like both being named André, and both being born in 1975. Big Boi is the bigger boi, with a February 1st birthdate. André 3000 is the runt of the litter, being born on May 27th, perhaps within minutes of Jamie Oliver. Perhaps they're actually twins, seperated at birth! Er, or on second thought, probably not...

Ten Critically-Lambasted "Happy Madison" Movies

Adam Sandler: he was funny on SNL as Operaman and had some funny songs about Chanukah. He has a well-meaning schlub shtick that's endearing to watch, for perhaps as much as two minutes at a time. And he has a richly undeservedly successful career as a film mogul, using his "Happy Madison" production company to churn out endless fart-joke-driven vehicles for himself and his buddies.

Not all "Happy Madison" movies are box-office bombs: some are wildly successful, bringing in money by the hundreds of millions. None of them, not a single one (excluding "Reign Over Me" and "Funny People", outside productions that bear the Happy Madison logo merely because they star the CEO), has been well received by critics. And I think, after rigorous analysis, I've determined the reason why: they're truly bad movies. This leads me to one of two conclusions regarding their success: (a) Fart jokes, unfunny comedy, synthetic sentimentality, poor writing and worse acting are features that are much more greatly appreciated by the public-at-large than by critics or, well, myself. Alternately, (b) Adam Sandler's success is guaranteed by an all-powerful underground secret order, along the lines of the Illuminati. Ockham's Razor suggests number b is more likely than number a. Here are ten particularly odious travesties, and their ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

1.	THE HOT CHICK: Rotten Tomatoes found 80 reviews of this 2002 Rob Schneider movie, and found that fully 63 panned it. That gives this movie an abymal positive rating of 21%. Now get ready for the shocker: this top ten list goes from high to low. That's correct: 21%, one-in-five, is as good as it gets here. "At more than 100 minutes, this alleged comedy is easily the worst thing Schneider's done to date." - Jeff Vice, Deseret News. "I will say this for the film -- it's in color. And, it was mostly in focus. And I really can't say anymore for it beyond that." - Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper. "One of the most depressing movie-going experiences I can think of is to sit through about 90 minutes of a so-called 'comedy' and not laugh once." - James Berardinelli, ReelViews.
2.	GRANDMA'S BOY: This 2006 movie, starring no one I've ever heard of, managed to get a whopping 18% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes. "Grandma's Boy is an Adam Sandler comedy without Adam Sandler, which is kind of like getting a root canal without the dentist." - Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle. "I may require therapy after seeing this." - Peter Howell, Toronto Star. "Just as a few bong hits would probably make the movie a tiny bit funnier, they would also probably make all memories of the film blissfully vanish." - Dan Fienberg, Zap2it.com.
3.	I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY: Sandler co-starred with Kevin James in this one, which earned 120 million dollars in 2007. RT gave it a 13%. "Adam Sandler adds here to his lengthening charge sheet as the most repellent "entertainer" on the planet." - Anthony Quinn, Independent. "Pronouncing Adam Sandler's latest comedy anything but a disaster of Chernobyl-sized proportions is beyond me." - David Edwards, Daily Mirror. "The movie is a numbskull insult to gay people. Just on the basis of the mirthless trailer, however, they'll probably ignore it. I doubt they'll be alone." - Kurt Loder, MTV.
4.	ADAM SANDLER'S EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS: Sandler was comfortable enough with this cartoon to actually put his name on the title. Only 12% of Rotten Tomatoes critics could find something good to say about it. "The movie is like a snotty little kid who thinks he can shock you with all the naughty words he knows." - MaryAnn Johanson, Flick Filosopher. "Sets animation back 30 years, musicals back 40 years and Judaism back at least 50." - Roger Moore, Houston Chronicle. "An earnest Scrooge story with a heart covered in excrement." - Mark Palermo, Coast.
5.	THE BENCHWARMERS: This 2006 Schneider-and-Spade vehicle managed 12% positive reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, and yet there are still five "Happy Madison" movies worse than it. "Could it be that this Adam Sandler movie is so atrocious that Sandler himself didn't want to be seen in it?" - Linda Cook, Quad City Times. "To watch this idiocy is to feel your brain cells die." - Pam Grady, Reel.com. "This is, for all its supposed charms, a very nasty little movie." - David Cornelius, eFilmCritic.com.
6.	JOE DIRT: Rotten Tomatoes gave this 2001 David Spade vehicle 11%. "In one scene, raw sewage is dumped on Joe. See Joe Dirt and you'll know how that feels," - Peter Travers, Rolling Stone. "Avoid this garbage like the plague." - Eric Lurio, Greenwich Village Gazette. "Too long and too stupid." - Liz Braun, Toronto Sun.
7.	GROWNUPS: This 2010 film proves Adam Sandler hasn't lost his, er, shall we call it a Midas touch or what? At ten percent on RT, only one reviewer in ten actually liked this film, yet its all-has-been cast helped it rake in $162 million. Adam Sandler might not make audiences laugh, but he's laughing all the way to the bank. "Frankly, if this makes you laugh even once, I recommend seeking medical advice." - David Edwards, Daily Mirror. "Why try to be clever when you can have someone land face-first in a pile of animal feces instead? Ah, feces - an appropriate visual metaphor for Grown Ups." - Mike McGranaghan, Aisle Seat. "Come on Sandler, you've got all the money in the world. Challenge yourself instead of headlining crap like this." - Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper.
8.	DEUCE BIGALOW: EUROPEAN GIGOLO: With a 23% Rotten Tomatoes success rate, Rob Schneider's Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo just misses this top ten list. Yet its 2005 sequel couldn't even manage half that. 10%. "The best place for Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo is at the bottom of the number two diaper pail." - Gary Brown, Houston Community Newspapers. "Moronic and repulsive." - Paul Arendt, BBC. "There is something to be said for the uncompromising idiocy of the film, but that something is unprintable." - Lisa Rose, Newark Star-Ledger.
9.	THE MASTER OF DISGUISE: This 2002 film starred Dana Carvey as "Pistachio Disguisey". It earned 40 million dollars and a 2% positive score from Rotten Tomatoes: "This is a serious contender for the title of The Worst Film Ever Made." - Matthew Turner, ViewLondon. "A film about idiots, made by idiots, for idiots." - Alan Morrison, Empire Magazine. "I cannot disguise my feelings - this film sucks." - Danny Minton, KBTV-NBC.
10.	STRANGE WILDERNESS: Of 42 reviewers, Rotten Tomatoes could find not a single one with anything positive to say about this 2008 ensemble comedy. It actually has a RT rating of zero. It almost takes effort to score that low. Even Gigli got a seven. "About as funny as watching a cute animal die a long slow death - and probably as painful." - Glen Ferris, Empire Magazine. "This farcical comedy is a Morlock of a movie--an ugly, subhuman dirt-dweller." - Frank Lovece, Film Journal International. "It's not a film. It's the Zeroes' worst pop-culture excretion." - Nick Rogers, Suite101.com.