Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ten People Born in 1975

I'm 35. It's a strange age, really. It's not 'old' by any means. It's not even 'middle aged'. But it's not 'young' either, by any estimation. It's just this age, stuck in there between old and young. I think I'm at approximately that exact age that advertisers salivate over the most, but I certainly don't feel all that desired, like a mover-and-shaker. In fact, I kind of feel like our generation just kind of slipped by, moving from one irrelevance to another. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. After all, the ten names on this list are not minor irrelevances, and the real paths of power - politics and business - are travelled by people who would consider me young.

In any case, these twelve individuals and I could have been in the same class at school. We watched the same TV, perhaps, and listened to the same music. They're probably as shocked as I am to find themselves at 35. When exactly did that happen?

The list goes in reverse chronological order. I have no reason for doing that. I just liked the resulting narrative.

1.TIGER WOODS: Of course, Mr and Mrs woods didn't name their baby boy "Tiger" on December 30, 1975. They did, in fact, name him "Eldrick Tont Woods". Because "Tiger" would have been, you know, silly. He's the richest sportsman in the world, has spent 623 weeks as the Number-One ranked golfer, and has had over a dozen extramarital affairs. And what have I done with my thirty-five years?Tiger Woods Born 1975

2.CHARLIZE THERON: This South African was born on August 7th, and makes the list largely because she's South African, and I was looking to make my list 'diverse, but still people Americans might know'. I tried to avoid overly exploitational illustrations, but in the present case, I was powerless. That's just a gorgeous photograph.Charlize Theron Born 1975

3.ANGELINA JOLIE: Born June 4th, Angelina Jolie started out life as Jon Voight's daughter. Now she's about as close as Hollywood comes to royalty, but along the way she was the defiantly 'alternative' kid seen here in Hackers. She stands out so much in that movie that anyone who sees it walks away asking, "who was that girl?" Yet I certainly never saw her tabloid ubiquity coming. I wonder if she did.Angelina Jolie Born 1975

4.50 CENT: Certainly if you're looking for a symbol of arrested adolescence, though, it would have to be Curtis Jackson, a/k/a "50 Cent", born July 6 and thus 15 years away from actually being 50. Though a rapper by trade, 50 Cent is currently perhaps more famous as a Twitter celebrity, whose semi-literate stream of tweets truly makes me feel young... like, middle school young.50 Cent

5.JAMIE OLIVER: Jamie Oliver's face remains much fresher than mine thirty-five years later. Perhaps it's all the disgusting food that he eats. Born May 27th in Essex, England, Oliver is part of that strange group of 'cooking-related celebrities' that also includes Gordon Ramsey, Rachel Ray and other celebrities not especially deserving of their success.Jamie Oliver Born 1975

6.DAVID BECKHAM: The English footballer has, like Tiger Woods (and everyone on this list) had a rather more illustrious life than I have. Talented, rich and photogenic, with a glamorous wife (who I personally don't find attractive, and anyway being born in 1974 she's over-the-hill), Beckham seems to just make it all seem so easy. Wouldn't a nice crack habit give him some much-needed grit?David Beckham Born 1975

7.EVA LONGORIA: Eva Longoria was born March 15, just three days after me. My mother and hers could have been in the same maternity ward if it weren't that she was born in Texas and I, well, wasn't. She's so my-generation that her screen début was in Beverly Hills 90210, and she then went on to document my generation's descent into suburban banality on Desperate Housewives.Eva Longoria Born 1975

8.DREW BARRYMORE: Ah, the love of my life. I can say without seeming creepy that I've been in love with Drew Barrymore ever since E.T. because whatever age she was when she made that film, that's how old I was too (give or take a month - she was born February 22). We've gone through the ages together, Drew and I. So has everyone else on this list, of course, but they weren't famous then.Drew Barrymore Born 1975

9.HARISU: Certainly not many North Americans are likely to have heard of Harisu, but I think she's amazing. A Korean MTF transexual, Harisu is absolutely gorgeous and also an actress and singer. Though it's a bit disappointing that her stage name is meant to be the English phrase 'hot issue' rendered with a Korean accent. She, or for historical accuracy he, was born February 17th.Harisu Born 1975

10.BOTH MEMBERS OF OUTKAST: They might have differing weights and degrees of 'hardness', but the two members of Atlanta hip-hop duo Outkast have much in common - like both being named André, and both being born in 1975. Big Boi is the bigger boi, with a February 1st birthdate. André 3000 is the runt of the litter, being born on May 27th, perhaps within minutes of Jamie Oliver. Perhaps they're actually twins, seperated at birth! Er, or on second thought, probably not...Both Members of Outkast Born 1975

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