Saturday, June 11, 2011

Ten Photographs of Salma Hayek's Photogenic Breasts

I have no desire to turn this blog into a leering lad's-mag kind of site. The thing is, though, that any simple Google image search of Mexican-American actress Salma Hayek will demonstrate that it's all but impossible to look at a picture of her without your eyes being drawn, quite involuntarily, towards her rather spectacular rack.

See the thing isn't merely that Salma Hayek has great breasts: it's that she has remarkably photogenic breasts. They just photograph well. It's not their fault. Here are ten (or I guess twenty, technically) examples. Clicking on any of the tiny little pictures will reveal massively larger pictures (in most cases).

1.SALMA HAYEK IN RED WITH A PLUNGING NECKLINE: A palate cleanser of sorts, before delving in further. I think this is on the set of a movie or something. Can't guess why else she'd be wearing this particular piece of clothing.

2.SALMA HAYEK IN WHITE WITH ACRES OF CLEAVAGE: This is from some press conference, I think. One that was amply photographed, it seems, because any mere Google of Salma Hayek comes up with several pictures of her in the same dress at the same table. I can't guess why this press convference is so important. Might have something to do with the word 'ample' I used above. In these photos, Hayek's breasts are simply incredible. I can't imagine a person in the audience heard a word she had to say that day.

3.SALMA HAYEK'S SIDEBOOB: This photo is paparazzi trash in extremis, from some E! show or something. But sideboob is one of the greatest gifts God bestowed on humanity, and when it's Ms Hayek's sideboob, you know God is great.

4.SALMA HAYEK IN A STUDDED BLUE DRESS: This dress has to have been custom-made to fit her particular dimensions. Or else maybe it just wraps on, like cling film.

5.SALMA HAYEK IN WHITE ON A BEACH: This is a seriously attention-grabbing picture. I can't see anyone, straight, gay or a-, looking at this picture and not finding their eyes magnetically drawn in a single direction. She's on a beach, though I don't blame you for not noticing.

6.SALMA HAYEK IN RED ON A BEACH: Seriously, this woman should stay away from beaches. She's a drowning hazard.

7.A YOUNGER SALMA HAYEK COVERING HER BREASTS WITH HER ARMS: She looks kind of Egyptian or Greek or something in this 'classic' picture - not quite of a prehistoric vintage but clearly from a younger era. For all this below-the-neck salivating, I should also point out that Salma Hayek is a beautiful woman as well.

8.SALMA HAYEK IN A BLACK BRA ON UGLY BETTY: America Ferrera is also a beautiful woman, making a lie of the TV show's name. Still, it's rather unfair to subject the poor lass to this kind of competition, isn't it? Incidentally, those are two of the most perfectly round breasts I've ever seen.

9.SALMA HAYEK BREASTFEEDING AN AFRICAN BABY: It turns out Hayek is a breastfeeding advocate - perhaps she just likes having the opportunity to talk about breasts to an eager audience. Here she is in Africa apparently breastfeeding a child whose mother was unable to. This child will grow up to realise how blessed he truly has been.

10.SALMA HAYEK'S BREASTS AS A WORK OF ART IN FRIDA: And here they are au naturel, though I don't really feel the need for an 'NSFW' label, as they've been painted up here , into the works of art the world already knows them to be. This is from the movie Frida, where Hayek plays the titular role, as Frida Kahlo, the monobrowed Mexican artist.